let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
