He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize