i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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