spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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