Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
