so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
