I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
