just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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