You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
