I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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