This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
