even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
