He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
