So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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