I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize