THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
