I molested 6 butterflies tonight
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
