I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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