My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
In America we eat man semen.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
