remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
