i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
