STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
