New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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