Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
