lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
