When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
