It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
