They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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