So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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