You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
