im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
