You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
