the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
pop tarts are not kleenex
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
