It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
