I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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