I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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