My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize