I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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