you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Randomize
