Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
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