im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just invented taco cereal.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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