your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
