Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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