We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
