Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
