I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize