Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
