i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i think my mom watched the whole time
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
