dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
