If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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