Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
