omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
