am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize