he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
