You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
