I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
