my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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