I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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