Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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