Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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