perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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