We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
