I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
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