Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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