How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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