I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize