it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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