Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
