I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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