I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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