Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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